In a surprising turn of events, President Joe Biden has announced a new policy initiative that's turning heads and slowing paces across the nation. The "Sliden Policy," named in a nod to the iconic sloth character from the beloved 1980s adventure film "The Goonies," is aimed at bringing a more measured, deliberate approach to governance.
According to insiders, after a late-night movie marathon at the White House, President Biden became enamored with the laid-back lifestyle of Sloth, the gentle giant with a heart of gold. "It's all about taking a moment to enjoy the Baby Ruth bars of life," Biden remarked, referencing Sloth's favorite treat from the film.
The new policy initiative calls for a slowdown in the legislative process, with bills and decisions taking a more "Sloth-like" pace. "Just like Sloth would take his time to get things right, we're going to do the same with our country's policies," Biden explained during a press conference, where a screening of "The Goonies" played in the background.
The "Sliden Policy" has received mixed reactions from both sides of the aisle. Some praise the initiative for encouraging thorough debate and consideration, while others criticize it for stalling progress. "We can't all hang from the rigging and wait for a pirate ship to save the day," argued one senator, while a representative from Oregon — the state where "The Goonies" was filmed — lauded the move, claiming that "a little bit of Sloth could be just what America needs."
Economists are speculating on the effects of the "Sliden Policy" on the market, with the Dow Jones taking a leisurely dip in response to the news. Meanwhile, environmentalists hope the slow pace will mean more thoughtful and sustainable policies, and the Department of Transportation has already signaled a willingness to adopt slower speed limits.
As for President Biden, he seems to be fully embracing his inner Sloth. Rumor has it that he's commissioned a special edition of the presidential limo, complete with a built-in hammock and an ample supply of chocolate bars. "Hey you guuuys," Biden has been overheard practicing his best Sloth impression, "let's take it easy and do it right."
Only time will tell if the "Sliden Policy" will lead to a treasure trove of well-crafted legislation or if it will have Congress saying "Goonies never say die" to the pace of political life.
At the time of writing Sloth was unavailable for comment.